Everyone on the planet at some time (or shall I say much of the time) deals with family drama. There is just a dynamic with a family that breeds dysfunction. I think it is because everyone in the “pack” smells vulnerability, fear and your weakest vibration and they know just the right buttons to push to set you off, like coyotes that can smell a fearful rabbit 200 feet away. When zealous family members want to go in for the kill, they do not even need a weapon. They just look to the past and find a lingering conditioning that shivers up your spine and destabilizes your emotional response. Like the voice of your mother judging and jurying, the tone never goes away, even the breath before the insult or the injury is so familiar that the delivery barely requires the spoken word.
Since everyone in a family group resides in the same pool of conditioned response, they take everything personally so are ready to defend and attack. They go right to the center of your heart where the most vulnerable of your emotions reside. This is why it hurts so much when it comes from family and not from friends. It is like the volume is turned up on their commentary and the lack of acceptance or criticism is louder. Non-conformity to the family dynamic is also punishable by your family (your personal pack of coyotes) and you are now the rabbit without a hole to hide in.
If you feel that every time you walk into a family scene that you are a scampering rabbit, here is the perfect strategy. Run for the bleachers! Or better yet, get the best seat in the stadium, make it a box seat even and get ready for the best game of your life. You have now arrived at the place of the family observer. Out of the chaos and confusion and into the highest vibrational place out of the pack. So how does it work?
Let’s take an example. It is Thanksgiving, you are in charge of the potatoes. You know that mashed potatoes are totally non-negotiable to the “pack”. You instead hit the internet for a sophisticated gourmet recipe for potatoes. Potato al gruyere, a lovely blend of flavors and uniqueness (just like the real you). You ring the doorbell and walk in. “Hi, Mom. Look! I brought you a new French recipe of potatoes to go with your ten generational turkey recipe and great great great great aunt Betty’s gravy. “isn’t this great? At that moment her illusion of mashed potatoes and tradition and “we always do it this way” is shattered. You now glance over at your siblings who think you are trying to show off and prove you are better than they are because you can pronounce “gruyere” correctly. Your brother is still gnashing his teeth because he got a D in French and your father is ready to sit you down and scold you for not “minding your mother” even though she just said to bring some potatoes.
All are in a subtle shock with their antiquated assumption that you would never break with tradition and betray the family with your own potato recipe. Next, they surround the table, hovering over the potatoes like they are an alien at a backyard barbecue, totally out of place and a betrayal of countless generations to even try them.
So here comes the good part. You, however are casually and strategically sitting in the bleachers watching the whole scene. There, in the box seats, you are safe, you are no longer in the dysfunction of generational layers of conformity. You are free and your perceptions are new, fresh and healthy. You have stepped out of the layers of the family lasagna and reached your safety zone. I speak more about this in my course.
The emotions tied to family can be very damaging if we are vulnerable bunnies alone with our independent thoughts on the prairie. In the bleachers you can be the unique and caring family member that you have always wanted to be. You can inundate yourself with individuality and become a vital and healthy part of all of your relations from here. Many walk away from family as a solution to getting along but I suggest the spectator sport approach. This maneuver of the dissociation of feelings and outcome can move you into harmony with yourself and the pack. Give it a try, it works wonders. Take a soft cushion you will spend a lot of time in the bleachers and I will be cheering you on from the sidelines.