When we meet the love of our life it is a merging of particles that become energetically ignited into a mass of combined energy that becomes US. We go through life with our collective molecules that weave our existence together. These energies mesh, combine, bounce off of each other and we coexist in a beaming circle of light made up of frantic lottery balls. When death comes along and takes the life energy of a beloved person away, it is like a vacuum sucking their particles into a gateway to another dimension. At this point, the poor little particles of you, the person left behind, no longer have the energy for the dancing and singing that they did before. The innate beat of the tango stops, there is no longer the pulsating melody that moves with the rhythm of the earth energy and we find ourselves dancing with one high heel. This is the moment of grief, the jagged and jolted separation of two energy fields that have nurtured each other for years. Some of the balls left might linger, float, looking for the next energetic field to connect to, others fall and roll away, others continue to support whatever else is left of the body that remains. Shattered and torn the relationship separates from the life force and the dance is over. When I arrived home after my husband died, there was no vibration in the house, the pounding of the heartbeat was gone. The bass was turned off and the melody stopped playing. Silence, pure, fresh, unspoken, filled the spaces and the balls dropped from the lack of energy and force that used to sustain them. They were scattered on the ground. I would walk, kicking through the piles of inanimate ping pong balls like those in the lottery, the numbers turned to dates, each one a special time, a moment, a thought of all the intimate memories of this course of my life that had been bouncing around me. Grief tries to survive on the left over melody but there is no one to pick up the pieces. Until…
A granddaughter shines her smile….. a few balls start bouncing, a friend is near….. a few more, a gentle butterfly appears…. a few balls delight in that and begin to swirl. Day by day the balls start to bounce as we get closer to feeling mother earth’s heartbeat again. The particles of who we are become connected again to the energy of the life force. It is like a Tree of Life that brings harmony to our souls. Our cells that always knew death was inevitable return to their wisdom. We see the circle of life and take our vibrational place in the process. We realize there is the possibility of rebirth at mid life, but this time it must be wholly within ourselves, with who we were in the first place. We are home, ready to be born again. We find the lost shoe under the coffee table and we slip it on and we take our first step in the new tango of our perpetual being. We are alive again.
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