How to deal with negative people

Surviving the holidays

Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power” – Shirley Maclaine”

Okay, so thanksgiving is over and you didn’t do as well as you hoped in dealing with negative people. So, lets understand them first and then move on to what to do with them. Most negative people are seeped in their vulnerabilities. In an attempt to feel powerful, they place themselves as the ultimate JUDGE of those around them. They are often in attack mode, striking out at you or gossiping behind your back in order to construct an image of you “low” and powerless.  Many come from a place of the wounded child where they blame everything and everyone for all the trauma and neglect that they have endured. There is self-pity as others are at fault and they resist forgiveness as they have the misperception that it weakens them.

Unfortunately, many arrive at a place of addiction to negative thoughts yet they say “I am a positive person” only because they have built such a high assessment of themselves by putting everyone else down. Their truths are shaky as they twist and turn them into other’s faults. This makes them self-focused and rarely interested in others issues as their compassion is at a minimum. Negative people look for those who are willing listeners that accept all their wrongs as rights to their anger. They admire those who are negative, like them, for their willingness to authenticate and fuel their negative frenzy. They are also shocked that they have no authentic friends, never get invited to be around positive people and can wind up very lonely, and it is all everyone’s fault.

So, what to do if you have negative people in your life?

Here are my four steps:  

1.) State of the Union: Make it very clear how you feel about negativity. Tell them that in your world you do not talk negatively about others and you do not listen to statements about others that are unkind. Often, that will give your negative friend or family member nothing to talk to you about and that is a sure sign that your role has been as an enabler. If they no longer want to hang out with you or call you, you were feeding the frenzy and no longer serve them. That reaction means that it is time to move on, since you were nothing more than a place to dump their negative thoughts. If they continue to call and don’t follow the rules, remind them of your boundaries and make it stick!

2.) Stay Powerful: Keep your power intact. When they want to go into lower energies, you go high. For example, when they say You are not looking very good? You react with, Actually, I am feeling great and you look wonderful too. This keeps you high and you go forward with your power intact.

3.) The Choice of Letting Go: Nothing says that you have an obligation to anyone in your life, especially those who want to remain invested in throwing negative thoughts and comments at you. However, the hardest thing is to walk away from family members when the goal has always been to get along at any cost. Calling it quits does not have to be a drama. After you have tried steps one and two, if they still wish to remain disrespectful of your personal “rules” then it is time to realize that you have a choice and embrace the power of letting go. When that negative person says “why don’t you take my calls? or why don’t you want to hang out anymore? You simply say “I choose to be with positive people and you have not been respectful about that. Should that change I would be happy to engage with you again. If not, I wish you well.” 

4.) Last Resort: If you absolutely cannot avoid that person, you will need to build and maintain your personal power station. Before you meet, breath in powerful energy, and as you exhale, create a large bubble around you. Cover the surface of the bubble with white light and ask a higher power to bring protection to you. Walk into the world with the intention that no matter what anyone says it cannot have an effect on you. Do not take anything personally because it is all about them and refer to Number two above, keeping “high” with comments like  “I choose not to go there”, “I choose not to see things that way”.

Do not condemn their negativity or judge them as they have judged you. Just accept them for who they are and know that all negative comments are 100% about what’s really bothering them. Realize that you cannot change them, you can only change yourself. Do not dwell on it, let them go and send them positive energy that amidst all the negativity they will somehow find peace.

Take a look around and see if there are any other negative people that you need to have a conversation with or let go of. Finally, take an assessment of yourself and make sure that you are maintaining your truth and holding up your “rules” of no-negativity too, since negativity breeds negativity.

 

From the other side of life,

 

Lori